Torn
Asunder
For the
second time in my 54 years of living, my dad spoke about the night my brother
died. The first was in a sermon during
my teenage years when he spoke about how he had strayed from God and how he
blamed himself for my brother’s death.
The “IF I was living for the Lord, this would not have happened.”
The
picture he painted tonight was so vivid I could see it in my mind. My brother getting a shot then his small
infant body convulsing while my mother held him as my dad sped to the nearest
hospital only to be turned away because they thought he had a communicable
disease. My dad had no choice but to
drive the long way downtown as he heard his infant son crying a cry that he had
never cried before - glancing over at
his son being held in his wife’s arms as his little body convulsed. He said that my mother held him the entire
time and he knows how hard that must have been on her.
The
picture brought back SOOO many memories of my mother holding me when I was sick
praying in faith believing that God would heal me and although it sometimes
took a while, He always did. There is NO
doubt in my mind that as they raced across town that night, that she was
praying in faith believing. My mother
has always been a woman of faith. TRUE
FAITH. In fact, I know no other human’s
faith that compares to the faith she had in God. That night I am confident that she believed
God would heal the son she held in her arms.
Yet when they arrived at the downtown hospital, he died.
As my
father spoke, I cried and marveled at how he wasn’t crying as hard as I
was. I can’t begin to imagine the pain
that he and my mom must have felt that night and silently carried for the past
FIFTY-SIX years. There were five VERY
distinct pictures that I had. The first
was tremendous grief for a brother that I NEVER got to see because he died 11
months and 22 days before I was born. The second was the memory of a young girl
being tormented out of her mind walking to his grave and spending hours talking
to him, because she didn’t trust anyone else.
The third was horrific anger at a hospital that turned away a six month
old infant who was dying and MIGHT have been saved had they taken time to
overcome their fears and treat him. Four
was the site of Lessie running to my mom (when she stepped to the other side)
and hugging her for a very long time like the little boy’s sister in Heaven is
for Real (A MUST see movie). And the
Fifth and probably most important to me was the TREMENDOUS faith that my mother
had.
I have
known SOOOO many Christians, who after my nephew Gabriel died, told me that he
died because of ME. YES I was told that
IF I had ONLY had faith, he would have lived.
I was chastised frequently and bombarded with the guilty words “It’s
YOUR FAULT he died.” This is another
blog.
Tonight when I literally SAW
my mother holding my brother in her arms, I remembered a HORRIFIC time in my
life. A time when EVERY prayer I prayed
and BELIEVED God for, had the COMPLETE OPPOSITE occurrence. REPEATEDLY my Christian brothers and sisters
would tell me that I must have some AWFUL SIN in my life, because I tithed and
gave offerings yet my water, electricity, etc. would be turned off. How I HAD to be doing SOMETHING wrong in the
midst of ALL their “Formulas” and “Magical – Name it and Claim it”
sermons. YES I DO BELIEVE there is SOME
truth to this, BUT during this time, God directed me to Hebrews 11 – WIDELY known
as “the Faith Chapter”.
First I want to say that there are GREAT truths in
speaking positively, BUT in America TOO many preachers have preached about “Give
and it will be given unto u..” “We’re
children of Abraham so we live under the same blessings.” Give so you can get money, cars, houses
etc. I have NOTHING against God’s
blessings. I believe He WANTS to bless
us. BUT we have NOT been told the
COMPLETE truth! And that TRUTH is found
in Hebrews 11. The first 35½ verses tell
of GREAT feats of faith and these are the scriptures that SOO many Christians
focus on. They ignore the next few verses, because they
are NOT “pretty” verses. After all, we
live under “GRACE” now. We are under the
“New Covenant”.
Again,
let me EMPHASIZE that like ALL parents God WANTS us to be blessed. BUT right now I want to focus on these verses. 37 They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain
with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being
destitute, afflicted, tormented;
38 (Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and
in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
39 And these all, having obtained a good report through faith,
received not the promise:
40 God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us
should not be made perfect.
I’m quite certain that when
my mom arrived with her dead child (who she believed God could raise from the
dead) she was NOT feeling like she was living under Father Abraham’s blessings. In fact, I’m pretty certain that she was
feeling “sawn asunder”. That feeling
that ONLY a parent can know when they lose a child. Like their heart has just been "sawn" RIGHT OUT
of their chest!
YET in ALL that, my MOTHER STILL BELIEVED in
healing and NO ONE has EVER been a GREATER example of faith to me than her and
my dad.
My point here, is this. EVERYONE OR should I say ANYONE can BELIEVE
in God and FAITH when EVERYTHING they PRAY and SPEAK happens. It’s like love. Even the world LOVES those that love
them. BUT it is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT
thing to have faith WHEN THE TOTAL OPPOSITE happens OR when the thing you do
believe SOOO strongly WILL happen does NOT happen! We tend to value people as MORE “spiritual”
than others because their prayers are answered the way they pray them.
Yet I think of ALL the
Christians the past few months (in some places YEARS) who are LITERALLY being
BEHEADED BECAUSE of their faith! How
MANY Naysaying Christians would be standing there on the sidelines as one’s
infant’s / child’s head is being sliced off their bodies telling these parents
that IF they just had “faith” this would NOT be happening. “IF you just spoke the word” and “named it
and claimed it”, this would NOT be happening!
NO!! In this scripture it CLEARLY
STATES “RECEIVED NOT THE PROMISE”!! To
me this is the GREATEST FAITH there is!
The FAITH that says “My LIFE, My HEART,
My EMOTIONS, My WILL, My PLANS, My DREAMS, My SPIRIT My FINANCES ARE being sawn
asunder. They are being
SLICED to shreds. They are in a sense
being BEHEADED! I MAY NEVER be rich! I MAY NEVER have nice clothes! I MAY NEVER have a mate! I MAY NEVER travel around the world! I May NEVER have EVERYTHING that I WANT, BUT
I know whom I have believed,
and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed
unto him against that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)
It
is time that we RISE up and teach our children that God does NOT ALWAYS give us
things because we “name it and claim it” or because we “spoke positive
scriptures or words” BUT that we teach them that GOD is ALWAYS there NO MATTER
WHAT the EVIL in this world throws against us!
That EVEN IF we are slaughtered like sheep, that GOD is FOR US so WHO
can be against us?
FAITH
is NOT just getting what we want! It is
ABOUT BELIEVING in GOD EVEN IF our child dies in our arms. It is KNOWING that GOD LOVES you and He did
NOT EVER plan that for your life. BUT He
is THERE to LOVE you, COMFORT you, and HOLD you in HIS ARMS while it is
happening. God NEVER wants EVIL or HARM
to come to you. Those are the
consequences that were passed down to us when Adam and Eve sinned in the
Garden. He just wants you to LOVE
Him. He wants to SING OVER you, LOVE
you, ENJOY you, WALK with you, COMFORT you, and HELP you through ALL the evil
that comes into your life.
Even
though my brother died in my mother’s arms, she STILL believed in God’s healing
power. EVERY TIME I was sick, she
BELIEVED God would heal me. There are
VERY few times that I went to the doctor.
God USED those times to heal me, BUT IF I had a child die in my arms
AFTER BELIEVING God would heal him, I’m NOT so sure I would be praying and
believing that He would heal my other two, BUT she did! EVEN
IN those times when I had NO FAITH, God was right there beside me waiting for
me to come to Him.
When I was young, there was a saying that “God NEVER promised you a Rose Garden.” I however disagree. You see Rose Gardens have thorns. Sometimes we can NOT enjoy the BEAUTY of life unless we get hurt by the thorns. Thorns are going to come. PLEASE give them to God and let HIM heal them. Published on 9-19-14 at 1:08 AM.
When I was young, there was a saying that “God NEVER promised you a Rose Garden.” I however disagree. You see Rose Gardens have thorns. Sometimes we can NOT enjoy the BEAUTY of life unless we get hurt by the thorns. Thorns are going to come. PLEASE give them to God and let HIM heal them. Published on 9-19-14 at 1:08 AM.