Torn Asunder

Torn Asunder

            For the second time in my 54 years of living, my dad spoke about the night my brother died.  The first was in a sermon during my teenage years when he spoke about how he had strayed from God and how he blamed himself for my brother’s death.  The “IF I was living for the Lord, this would not have happened.”

            The picture he painted tonight was so vivid I could see it in my mind.  My brother getting a shot then his small infant body convulsing while my mother held him as my dad sped to the nearest hospital only to be turned away because they thought he had a communicable disease.  My dad had no choice but to drive the long way downtown as he heard his infant son crying a cry that he had never cried before -  glancing over at his son being held in his wife’s arms as his little body convulsed.   He said that my mother held him the entire time and he knows how hard that must have been on her.

            The picture brought back SOOO many memories of my mother holding me when I was sick praying in faith believing that God would heal me and although it sometimes took a while, He always did.  There is NO doubt in my mind that as they raced across town that night, that she was praying in faith believing.  My mother has always been a woman of faith.  TRUE FAITH.  In fact, I know no other human’s faith that compares to the faith she had in God.  That night I am confident that she believed God would heal the son she held in her arms.  Yet when they arrived at the downtown hospital, he died. 

            As my father spoke, I cried and marveled at how he wasn’t crying as hard as I was.  I can’t begin to imagine the pain that he and my mom must have felt that night and silently carried for the past FIFTY-SIX years.  There were five VERY distinct pictures that I had.  The first was tremendous grief for a brother that I NEVER got to see because he died 11 months and 22 days before I was born.   The second was the memory of a young girl being tormented out of her mind walking to his grave and spending hours talking to him, because she didn’t trust anyone else.  The third was horrific anger at a hospital that turned away a six month old infant who was dying and MIGHT have been saved had they taken time to overcome their fears and treat him.  Four was the site of Lessie running to my mom (when she stepped to the other side) and hugging her for a very long time like the little boy’s sister in Heaven is for Real (A MUST see movie).  And the Fifth and probably most important to me was the TREMENDOUS faith that my mother had.

            I have known SOOOO many Christians, who after my nephew Gabriel died, told me that he died because of ME.  YES I was told that IF I had ONLY had faith, he would have lived.  I was chastised frequently and bombarded with the guilty words “It’s YOUR FAULT he died.”  This is another blog. 

Tonight when I literally SAW my mother holding my brother in her arms, I remembered a HORRIFIC time in my life.  A time when EVERY prayer I prayed and BELIEVED God for, had the COMPLETE OPPOSITE occurrence.  REPEATEDLY my Christian brothers and sisters would tell me that I must have some AWFUL SIN in my life, because I tithed and gave offerings yet my water, electricity, etc. would be turned off.  How I HAD to be doing SOMETHING wrong in the midst of ALL their “Formulas” and “Magical – Name it and Claim it” sermons.  YES I DO BELIEVE there is SOME truth to this, BUT during this time, God directed me to Hebrews 11 – WIDELY known as “the Faith Chapter”.  

            First I want to say that there are GREAT truths in speaking positively, BUT in America TOO many preachers have preached about “Give and it will be given unto u..”  “We’re children of Abraham so we live under the same blessings.”  Give so you can get money, cars, houses etc.  I have NOTHING against God’s blessings.  I believe He WANTS to bless us.  BUT we have NOT been told the COMPLETE truth!  And that TRUTH is found in Hebrews 11.  The first 35½ verses tell of GREAT feats of faith and these are the scriptures that SOO many Christians focus on.  They ignore the next few verses, because they are NOT “pretty” verses.  After all, we live under “GRACE” now.  We are under the “New Covenant”. 

Again, let me EMPHASIZE that like ALL parents God WANTS us to be blessed.  BUT right now I want to focus on these verses.  ³⁷ They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented;

³⁸ (Of whom the world was not worthy:) they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.

³⁹ And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise:

⁴⁰ God having provided some better thing for us, that they without us should not be made perfect.

I’m quite certain that when my mom arrived with her dead child (who she believed God could raise from the dead) she was NOT feeling like she was living under Father Abraham’s blessings.  In fact, I’m pretty certain that she was feeling “sawn asunder”.  That feeling that ONLY a parent can know when they lose a child.  Like their heart has just been "sawn" RIGHT OUT of their chest! 

YET in ALL that, my MOTHER STILL BELIEVED in healing and NO ONE has EVER been a GREATER example of faith to me than her and my dad. 

My point here, is this.  EVERYONE OR should I say ANYONE can BELIEVE in God and FAITH when EVERYTHING they PRAY and SPEAK happens.  It’s like love.  Even the world LOVES those that love them.  BUT it is an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT thing to have faith WHEN THE TOTAL OPPOSITE happens OR when the thing you do believe SOOO strongly WILL happen does NOT happen!  We tend to value people as MORE “spiritual” than others because their prayers are answered the way they pray them. 

Yet I think of ALL the Christians the past few months (in some places YEARS) who are LITERALLY being BEHEADED BECAUSE of their faith!  How MANY Naysaying Christians would be standing there on the sidelines as one’s infant’s / child’s head is being sliced off their bodies telling these parents that IF they just had “faith” this would NOT be happening.  “IF you just spoke the word” and “named it and claimed it”, this would NOT be happening!  NO!!  In this scripture it CLEARLY STATES “RECEIVED NOT THE PROMISE”!!  To me this is the GREATEST FAITH there is! 

            The FAITH that says “My LIFE, My HEART, My EMOTIONS, My WILL, My PLANS, My DREAMS, My SPIRIT My FINANCES ARE being sawn asunder.  They are being SLICED to shreds.  They are in a sense being BEHEADED!  I  MAY NEVER be rich!  I MAY NEVER have nice clothes!  I MAY NEVER have a mate!  I MAY NEVER travel around the world!  I May NEVER have EVERYTHING that I WANT, BUT I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. (2 Timothy 1:12)

It is time that we RISE up and teach our children that God does NOT ALWAYS give us things because we “name it and claim it” or because we “spoke positive scriptures or words” BUT that we teach them that GOD is ALWAYS there NO MATTER WHAT the EVIL in this world throws against us!  That EVEN IF we are slaughtered like sheep, that GOD is FOR US so WHO can be against us? 

FAITH is NOT just getting what we want!  It is ABOUT BELIEVING in GOD EVEN IF our child dies in our arms.  It is KNOWING that GOD LOVES you and He did NOT EVER plan that for your life.  BUT He is THERE to LOVE you, COMFORT you, and HOLD you in HIS ARMS while it is happening.   God NEVER wants EVIL or HARM to come to you.  Those are the consequences that were passed down to us when Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden.  He just wants you to LOVE Him.  He wants to SING OVER you, LOVE you, ENJOY you, WALK with you, COMFORT you, and HELP you through ALL the evil that comes into your life.

Even though my brother died in my mother’s arms, she STILL believed in God’s healing power.  EVERY TIME I was sick, she BELIEVED God would heal me.  There are VERY few times that I went to the doctor.  God USED those times to heal me, BUT IF I had a child die in my arms AFTER BELIEVING God would heal him, I’m NOT so sure I would be praying and believing that He would heal my other two, BUT she did!   EVEN IN those times when I had NO FAITH, God was right there beside me waiting for me to come to Him.  
When I was young, there was a saying that “God NEVER promised you a Rose Garden.”  I however disagree.  You see Rose Gardens have thorns.  Sometimes we can NOT enjoy the BEAUTY of life unless we get hurt by the thorns.   Thorns are going to come.  PLEASE give them to God and let HIM heal them.  Published on 9-19-14 at 1:08 AM.